Sally Coffeecup's Blog


Sally Takes Vegas
October 31, 2009, 11:37 am
Filed under: humor, senior, senior citizen, Uncategorized, women

I just returned from Vegas where some friends and I attended the Annual Convention for the American Association of Retired Persons.  Yes – as in AARP!  But before you get too judgmental, the convention fee was only $25 and we got great deals on our rooms.  We ate hot dogs in New York, New York, had dinner in Paris and caught all the free outside shows – the pirates at Treasure Island, a volcano in front of The Mirage and the fountains of the Bellagio.  Best hotel, by far, was the Venetion with its perfect replica of St. Mark’s Square at sunset (and wonderful gelato).  We stayed at Horrors – I mean Harrahs – which is governed by the Rule of 5 – want access to the Internet – no problem – for $5; like to have your boarding pass printed out – sure – $5 please; need an ATM- of course – that will be $5.  But I got the best of Harrahs – I beat the house.  Down to my last three bets, I put in 150 in the slot machine – nothing, nada.  I put in another 150 and the machine went crazy – with three free spins.  The first spin hits 10,000, the second spin hits 5,000 and the third spin hits 250 – 15,250 in all – pennies that is!

Sally

Paris in Vegas

Paris - in Vegas

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Ms. Daisy Driving
October 15, 2009, 3:10 pm
Filed under: humor, senior, women

If you want to totally unhinge your adult child, offer to drive them to Brooklyn from Manhattan on a cold, dark, rainy night in the middle of rush hour.  (Ok, maybe it wasn’t raining.)  Was it my fault that MapQuest forgot to tell me that the Williamsburg Bridge is divided – by concrete barriers – into two express lanes – one going to Queens and the other to Brooklyn?  And, besides, what’s wrong with a quick visit to Queens?  You learn a lot of interesting inter-generational things on a journey of this sort – like the kid really has good eye-sight.  “Watch out for that bicyclist!”  “What bicyclist? – Oh, you mean that bicyclist!”.  Here is a very useful tip: if the adult child is spending too much time on his/her cell phone chatting with friends, pull yourself up very close to the steering wheel, lean way over it, and start muttering things like, “Was that a red light I just missed?”  Suddenly, you have their undivided attention.

Sally



Why Did I Spend a Ton of Money
October 12, 2009, 1:29 pm
Filed under: humor, senior, Uncategorized, women
My Great Whites

My Great Whites

Why did I spend a ton of money last year on dental implants and caps?  Because when I was 62, a complete stranger at a social function got very excited about my youthful looks and called over her husband.  “How old do you think Sally is?” she asked her surprised husband.  He demanded on seeing my teeth.  After inspecting them like an expert horse-trader at a livestock auction, he announced, “Sixty-two”.

Sally

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You Wouldn’t Believe
October 12, 2009, 2:21 am
Filed under: senior, women

Today I was doing a search on the web when some mysterious program grabbed my search and directed me to an unknown site.  No matter what I did, this site would not let me leave.  Finally, in complete frustration, I typed in “Fuck You” in a blank space on the site and hit “enter”.  Turns out the site was some type of search engine.  You wouldn’t believe how many references come up for “Fuck You”.

Sally

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The Blind Leading the Blind
October 6, 2009, 1:02 pm
Filed under: senior, women

About two weeks ago, as I made my way down Third Avenue heading for home, I heard a man calling out, “Help me.  Someone, please help me”.  It was a blind man standing on East 22nd Street, faced away from Third Avenue.  Being the Good Samaritan, and having just enjoyed a fine glass of wine, I stepped up to the occasion.  Asking if I could help, he readily agreed.  I went to take hold of his arm, but he had other plans.  In some complicated maneuver, he swung me to his left side like a deft square-dancing partner.  He explained he needed to get to the bus stop.  Not knowing the neighbor, I asked him for directions.  He took his white cane and pointed toward Third Avenue, slightly south of where we stood.  With that, I ceremoniously led him across 22nd Street, right to a telephone booth.  He gently explained, no, that was not a bus stop; that was a telephone booth.  (Sorry, it kind of looked like a bus stop.)  On we went a few more steps when he announced, here it is – this is the bus stop he wanted.  Giving me the biggest smile, he thanked me profusely.  One last favor, he asked – is there a bus coming?  I strained to look down the street but then had to admit – “I am sorry sir.  The truth is, I don’t see so well myself.”

Sally

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Hiding Those Senior Moments from your Adult Children
October 5, 2009, 10:56 pm
Filed under: senior, women

It is wise not to let your adult children know about those senior moments – when, for some inexplicable reason, you say or do something totally dumb.  It is fine for a young person to be a complete twit but let the old lady do something dopey and the kids are ready to ship you off to the Big House.  Adult children, for some reason, just don’t seem to have the same sense of humor about senior moments that we do.

Not too long ago, a dear friend of mine made a very serious slip.  For the past few years, she has shared a house with her adult son, his wife and her grandchild.  On this particular morning, she was in her car, getting ready to back out of the driveway, when she noticed that her son, standing nearby, had grown a beard.  Leaning out of the car, she shouts to him, “When did you decide to grow a beard?”  To which he shouts back, “Oh, about three years ago”.  Oh, dear.  My biggest slip (so far) was to promise to fax a document to my son and then put it into the shredder by mistake.  And there you find yourself, on the phone, trying to give your son a sane explanation as to why you suddenly can no longer fax him that document you had in your hand just seconds ago.

I would like to end this post with a beautiful message about growing old that some friends recently sent me:

Well, crap, now I forgot what it was.

Sally



Hair Land
October 4, 2009, 4:32 pm
Filed under: humor, senior, women

I live in the East Village of New York City and have started a fun quest.  I am working my way through every neighborhood hair salon.  So far, this venture is not going well.  My first hairdresser was a sweet lady from the Dominican Republic who got so excited about what she was talking about that she mowed right through my hair, like she was clipping the shrubs in her front lawn.  The second was a beautiful young Japanese woman who gave me a classic hair cut for a young Japanese woman.  Let’s just say that was interesting, very interesting.  I am now growing out my hair, getting ready to try the next salon.  I am wondering if I should stick with guy hairdressers.

Sally

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